Return of the Winedork

Surrender your testicles now

When last we heard from our wine loving backup quarterback, the pride of Walpole himself Todd Collins, Todd was effeminately posing with a bottle of wine on the sidelines at training camp last July, Dan Dan the Sports Bog Man reported that Todd posed for pictures for the Fall issue of Virginia Wine Lover wherein he would discuss drinking the case of Virginia wine the magazine sent him.

Now no one that knows me can remember ever seeing me drink a glass of wine because I do not like wine. I used to pretend that I could drink wine then I realized one day I can just drink bourbon whiskey and go toe to toe with any wine drinker over nose and bouquet and tones and wine drinkers just get quiet.

Curly R aside: is there a Virginia Whiskey Lover magazine? If so I would like to reach out to them right now and ask for a case of free Virginia whiskey after which I will be happy to talk about what I remember.

Back in September my family and I attended Clarendon Day in Arlington Virginia, as I was heading from the Red Hot and Blue barbeque tent to the beer truck (alas no whiskey at Clarendon Day) I passed the Virginia Wine Lover magazine tent, they were giving away small glasses of wine and selling copies of the magazine. Naturally Todd's big Massachusetts smile caught my eye, I whipped out the camera and snapped some photos of the article...



This is Todd with Patrick Evans-Hilton, editor of Virginia Wine Lover. Note the height difference, I think Patrick is a pretty normal sized guy, at least height wise.



Right click and open this in a new window and read it, it is the full letter from the editor. Money quote about Todd and his wine habit:

Forget the image of sports guys sitting around a bar, eating chicken wings and downing frosty mugs of beer (not that there's anything wrong with that). Collins can quaff with the best oenophile.

Note the Seinfeld reference to homosexuality, in this case inverted so as to make beer swilling and wing eating seem the deviant behavior.



Obligatory and inexpensive Warholesque Photoshopping of Otto Greule's iconic Getty Images photo of Todd Collins from the Redskins-Seahawks 2007 playoff game in January 2008.



Sadly I did not photograph the ensuing pages of the article, just the opening page. Note that the author here is respected Washington Examiner sports reporter John Keim, a man whose work I read every day during the football season. My guess is that John did this on contract and does not moonlight as a Virginia wines feature reporter. Money quote from the first page of the story:

...Once, Collins was drinking some Robert Mondavi Opus One with friends and impressed them his his detailed scent.

"I picked up some leather and everyone was like, 'How did you pick that up?'" he said.

"Then they were like, 'Yeah, I think I pick that up...'"

Leather? Wine? You and some friends? Really? Is this some kind of a joke? Because I am not laughing.

And then for the coup de grace, the shot that makes you go, so I thought you were a football player, a quarterback, the leader guy that evades 330 pound linemen then heaves it forty yards downfield to a guy in stride.

I give you the sweaty brow over the shoulder wine lust I am going to drink the fuck out of you then curl up with my pekingese and a Sophie Kinsella novel money shot.


"I didn't know [Virginia] made so many different types of wine."

I didn't know Massachusetts made so many wussy wine loving football players.



Photos by me of the Fall 2008 issue of Virginia Wine Lover magazine.