1000 Posts

Quadruple digits

The Curly R has passed another milestone, Saturday we published our one thousandth piece, thoughts on the nature of the Redskins team name in light of the recent court case. A year and a half ago we marked our 500th post and just over two and a half years ago we marked our first big milestone 100th piece with a diatribe that seems more pithy every time I read it.

To give our valued readers some perspective on the football content factory farm that is The Curly R, it took 97 days to get to 100 posts, 498 days to get to 500 posts and 1025 days to get to 1000 posts, we have been a one post per day outlet give or take three one hundredths of a post plus or minus for nearly three years. And it has been a pleasure every day to tell you about my favorite team.


The next publishing volume milestone we will mark will be 5000 posts, at the current annualized rate of posting that should occur on Friday 17 April 2020. Let us leave our time for a moment as we become futurists and ponder what will be the state of the world in eleven years.

My two seven year old first graders will have just turned eighteen and be getting ready to graduate from high school, assuming schools still exist after neural implants become mandatory in President Obama's third term. My nearly two year old will be nearly thirteen and preparing for hearings on his Supreme Court nomination.

I will be 50, Curly R will be in its fourteenth year. Wilbert Montgomery and I will have attended 41 of the previous 42 Redskins-Eagles games regardless of venue and 39 in a row for me, a streak going back at that point 21 years. Although hover flight vehicles will be popular by this point Philadelphia will be a no fly zone, having become essentially like Manhattan in Escape from New York.

Rich Tandler will still know more about the Redskins than I though it will have been years since anyone has seen him, leading to speculation that he finally managed to upload his mind directly into the internet.

Dan Snyder will still own the team but will be running it from a secret laboratory deep underground, and he will be quite mad from the years of trying to bioengineer the perfect Redskin player. The irony of future history will of course be that Dan perfected the process a decade earlier but because he lets them all go in free agency he has inadvertently stocked the entire league with genetic Alphas and the Redskins cannot maintain an advantage.

To cope with the shrinking season ticket waiting list and to avoid regional blackouts the Redskins in 2018 will offer fans a new tier of service: place a multi year deposit on seats now and at no extra charge the team will place you in cryogenic suspension until Washington opens a season 3-0. Tony Brown will mock the plan mercilessly until 2020 when he runs out of patience and opts for the freezer. Greg Trippiedi, frustrated at an inability to convey his depth of analysis by conventional means, will finally invent a new language consisting entirely of grunts, clicks and John Madden soundbites.

At a Popeye's in Baltimore Mark Newgent will bite into a biscuit, the buttery goodness of which will reach his soul and reduce him to tears, he will become a champion of socialism and redistributive economic policies and go on to become President Olbermann's Chief of Staff.

FedEx Field will be a blasted pile of rubble, picked over and inhabited by cannibal cults yet we will still sit in traffic to go there and pay twenty Euros for a gluten free chemically neutral fermented beverage to suck through our oral sphincters while those still with sight describe the moving tableau of the current Redskins coach being summarily executed after each loss before the next coach is selected at random from the crowd. This will still be preferable to traveling a mile underwater to see the Giants play.

The new new Cowboys stadium will be constructed entirely of scar tissue from Jerry Jones' plastic surgeries. Roger Goodell will have a player caned publicly for refusing to buy Girl Scout cookies. The Washington Post will not employ any Redskins beat writers, instead throwing up an open thread on the website every day with the headline, Today the Redskins --. Something something West Coast Offense. Something something Chuck and Duck.


And here is one to ponder: somewhere right now there is a fifth grader that will grow up to become the Redskins best rookie player of the 2020 season.

Thanks for reading.



1000 from here.